one is the loneliest number

I have been quite overwhelmed lately....and not in a good way.  I think we speak of being "overwhelmed with love" or "overwhelmed with joy" quite freely, but how often do we share with our friends or family, our feelings of being overwhelmed by merely life itself?

When feelings like this overcome you, you feel guilty and self indulgent given that there are people all over the world dealing with things such as wars or natural disasters on a scale that my little brain couldn't even conceive.  So you don't dwell, you suppress them...and they hide, for another moment or so, until they arise again...and again....until you are forced to ponder them again.  And that's a good thing, because if we're not here to think then life's pretty empty, right?

I have been consumed by aloneness lately.  Not in a melodramatic way, I have just honestly had this aching feeling of being separate and insular from everyone.  I don't know if that has ever happened to you, but if it has, then you know that it is a very confronting feeling.  And not one that you can ignore.  You can try to ignore it mentally, but it's deeper than that, it's heavy on your heart and rises up to your throat.

You realise that you were born alone, you take this journey alone, and you die alone.  And any connections you make along the way are momentary and temporary.

But I also realised that this isn't a bad thing.  It's a good thing, a wonderful thing, an amazing thing.  It's what I am here for, to have this experience...on my own.  It's like having the best piece of chocolate cake and not having to share it.   Sure, you share your life with people, with family and with friends, but at the beginning of the day and surely, at the end of the day, it is YOU that you are left with.  And you better like you, cause it's like that expression "everywhere you turn, there you are".

I watched this video below and it made my aloneness feel like a blessing. Because it is when we are alone, that we are our true authentic self and can enjoy all that life has to offer.

I am alone.  We are all alone.  And I'm cool with that.

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.